Our elder has some wise words for a bride-to-be who is worried about what her fiancé might get up to on his bachelor party.

Dear EWC

I’m 24 years old and getting married to the man of my dreams next month. We’ve been dating for three years and engaged for three months. We’ve already picked the cake and the dress and everything else, but our friends are still deciding what to do for our bachelorette and bachelor parties. Well, my friends have planned it but are surprising me. However, my fiancé came to me last night and told me his buddies wanted to take him to a nudie bar (strip club) for his bachelor party. I might sound crazy or possessive but I don’t know how I feel about my soon to be husband going to a bar to see other half naked women. It just makes my stomach turn and it feels like I swallowed a spoonful of red pepper. I asked one of his friends about it and he said that it’ll be his last night as a free man so I should let him have fun. Is he a free man though? I don’t get it – we’ve been together three years and during that time I didn’t think he was a “free man” the way they say. I’m also thinking about what if one of them touches him, what if he likes it? How am I supposed to be OK with that? What if he gets too drunk and accidentally sleeps with one of those girls? I just don’t like this situation. I love him and want him to have fun at his bachelor party, but this bitter feeling is getting to me. Should I tell him about how I feel or should I just trust him and leave it be?.

Linda replies

This is a fairly common practice. Men will frequently go with their male counterparts to a strip club or some such place for their bachelor party.  The expression “free man” has been around since time immemorial. It’s just an expression. You shouldn’t take it too literally. A bachelor party is a rite of passage for every man before saying his vows. Moreover, your girlfriends will inevitably have something similar planned with perhaps a male stripper. At the very least you may go to a singles bar where you will be exposed to other men. Can you see yourself being tempted to do something hurtful to your fiance just because you will be in a sexually charged environment?  I’m sure the answer is no. You need to give him some credit that he won’t do anything hurtful or disrespectful to you either.

The truth is, this is one night for the both of you before saying ‘I do’. It’s a tradition with a long history going back decades. It should not be cause for concern or distrust. If you love one another, enough to commit to a marriage, then one night of alcohol and fun should not erase that commitment or tarnish it’s worth. 

I’m certain he will feel a little jealous of what you’ll be doing too. As for whether or not you should admit your feelings to him, you certainly can. However,  I would caution you against making a big deal out of it.  He could end up resenting you for being a ‘wet blanket’ on his special bachelor party night. You will come across as far more lovable to him if you just let him go with your blessing. The truth is if he gets a lap dance or something along those lines, he’ll mostly be embarrassed. If alcohol is part of the festivities he will likely have a hazy recollection of the event. 

You will find in marriage or any relationship, that it’s often best to choose your battles. This one may not be worth it. Whatever you say should be kept short and certainly not come across as angry or over-the-top jealous. Let him enjoy this time with his friends as I’m sure you will with your friends. Ten years from now it won’t even be something that enters your mind. It is but a tiny blip in the radar of your lives together, so let it happen and then forget about it. 

To answer your question, you should trust him and leave it be. He loves you or else he wouldn’t be marrying you. If he’s not shown any signs of wanderlust in the last three years, I don’t believe you need to worry about one night of celebrating the end of his bachelorhood.

Marriage #473168