My boyfriend gave me a hickey and now everyone’s calling me a slut. 

Help! Put it out of your mind, says our elder. You’ll be amazed at how quickly the fuss dies down.

 

Dear EWC

My reputation at school and the way people treat me has drastically changed for one tiny reason. My boyfriend and I have been dating for nine months and a few days ago, we were making out and he started kissing my neck. I didn’t think much of it until a few hours later and I saw the biggest, darkest hickey I’ve ever seen on my neck! I was furious. My boyfriend apologized several times and said he thought I would like it. I forgave him but it didn’t make it go away. I went to school and now almost all the kids aside from my friends are calling me a slut, a whore, a fast girl, and make fun of me for it when none of that is true. I’m only 15 years old! I’m as sexually active as a bag of lettuce! I’ve never had a hickey until now so I don’t know how to handle it or the rumors and the name calling that comes with it. Why is everyone acting this way? It’s just one hickey! I’m still the same girl I was before. Now my friends are starting to get embarrassed to be around me because people are bullying them for hanging around with a slut. How do I fix all this? What should I do?

 

Phil replies

You have a hickey and are not sure how to handle the aftermath. People are pointing at you and demeaning your character. What to do?

Well, first let me tell you that people have been embarrassed by hickeys since the beginning of time. Well, I don’t know about that early but, I can tell you my high school crowd reacted in much the same way as yours. Frankly, it’s a rite of passage. You are in the early stages of adulthood and have been caught being overly playful. I suspect that many of your friends will have the same problem or wish they did. Yes, I said wish because we look at our hickey with a little sadness but more satisfaction for having achieved a more mature status.

I don’t say you should be proud but don’t make a big thing out of it. I sincerely doubt people are calling you a slut and in actuality, they probably don’t quite know what to make of it. At your age, we believe that every step we take is evaluated by others when, in fact, they couldn’t care at all. Just consider that you really did nothing wrong except to get a little too exuberant in your play and it resulted in a hickey.

So what do you do? You do what all of us have done when confronted by a hickey: we put it out of our minds and go on with your life. Apply some makeup to the hickey and smile pretty when engaging others. You will be amazed at how quickly the hubbub goes away and people find someone else to point at. Don’t take it so seriously, because it isn’t.

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