A student thinks his peers cheated in online exams and he can’t get over it. Life is unfair, says our elder.

Focus on your own personal goals and don’t worry about the rest. 

 

Dear EWC

Hey, I just needed someone to talk to. Recently our online exam results were declared and the students who used to get 70% in offline exams got over 95% (and I got 91.9%). It is very demotivating for me as our 10th board semester 1 exams are also online and now, I am starting to feel insecure about my marks. No matter what I do, I can’t get over it. I know they cheated and this would surely happen in board exams. Now I try to focus and study for boards but this thought distracts me from it.

 

Grandpa-Matt replies

Sadly we live in an imperfect world where people lie, cheat and steal. There is no justice, fairness, or evenness in everyday life. So what? Our job is to cope with things as they are and not as things that we wish them to be. Our strength is to do whatever we can to accomplish our personal goals, no matter what.

Your insecurity and fear about what you see as the results of their past behavior will negatively impact you in the upcoming exams is a fantasy. I say fantasy because the boards haven’t happened yet. You are engaging in a negative future fantasy and allowing it to hijack your focus and demotivate you from studying. 

What you have done to support your fears is to compare yourself with students who get higher grades. Why do we bother to compare ourselves to anybody else? A comparison with another person serves one of two purposes. It somehow makes us feel wrong or deficient, or we believe that the other person is not as valuable as you. It is only a human failing. A rose does not compare itself to an orchid. Comparisons never produce, nor further, good feelings in your heart. 

The four primary sources that serve as the cornerstone for negative thoughts are past regrets, fear of the future, blame, and unhealthy comparisons. A new study has suggested that an average person has 6,200 thoughts per day. You have to take full responsibility for the thoughts that run through your brain and decide which to pay attention to. Your decisional thinking creates your reality. 

What is reality? In his book, Dancing Wu Li Masters, Author Gary Zukav said:

“Reality is what we take to be true.

What we take to be true is what we believe.

What we believe is based upon our perceptions.

What we perceive depends upon what we look for.

What we look for depends upon what we think.

What we think depends upon what we perceive.

What we perceive determines what we believe.

What we believe determines what we take to be true.

What we take to be true is our reality.” 

The 91.9% grade you received is real. To maintain this grade, or exceed it, should be your only goal. The real underlying goal is to learn, gain wisdom, and experience. Your fears about their performance have no place in your positive future outlook. You say that you can’t get over the insecurity about your marks. That is not exactly true. What you mean at this moment is that you will not get over the insecurity. You can by choosing where you place your attention. It becomes a result of your motivation.

Motivation is a minute-by-minute decision, just like walking. You constantly choose to take one foot and move it in front of the other, and the next step and the next, and so forth. The minute you choose not to take that next step, you are at a standstill. You will stay in that position forever until you decide to move forward. Only you know the answer to the question, “What will it take to get you back on track?” 

It should be a comfort that the cheaters will not learn nearly as much as you from the material being studied. Your future will be that much better. I hope this advice is useful. Please write back and let me know how you are doing. 

Article #: 480510

Category: School