My job, my relationship, even my faith: it’s all on hold. You are in control of your life, says our elder.
It’s time to choose a more uplifted way to live.
Dear EWC
Hi, I’ve been feeling like this for some time now. Then when I thought I was OK, I entered a relationship, a long-distance relationship. It was great at first but not anymore. It’s full of uncertainty now. I can’t still remove the fact that he’s being unfaithful. Well, we haven’t met in person and I keep thinking that maybe it’ll be better when we’re together. I resigned from my job because that was stressful too. I started a business but stopped after two months of launching it because of legal reasons. So everything in my life is now on hold. I just don’t know what to do now. My personal relationship with God is not that good as well. I need someone to talk to. I need someone who can see the situation from a different angle.
Pure-Sue replies
I admire your honesty and appreciate that you understand that asking for advice is wise. Welcome and thank you for reaching out to EWC for guidance. You share that your life is on hold, and you share why. A relationship, job, even God. I’m sorry you feel this way and hope to offer ideas to move you into changes for the better.
It is important you recognize that no one is doing any holding but you. You are ultimately in control of your life by the way you act, react, and interact in life. Even though things out of your control happen around you, we’re all learning that with Covid, we can still make choices. It’s time you choose a fresher and more uplifted way to live.
You wrote to find a newer version of your life that works best going forward. Abraham-Hicks, says it well: “You are the vibrational writers of the script of your life, and everyone else in the Universe is playing the part that you have assigned to them.”
In other words, what part are you playing in your life? What part did you give to this distant relationship? Understand, what is happening to you matches the energy and thought patterns you are habitually thinking and experiencing. So, it is important to recognize some of your habits are not serving your desire for a more certain life. I will offer suggestions and links that may help you to start on a journey of recovery from your present holding pattern of disappointment and uncertainty.
None of us can really predict the future, so it can be said that everything is uncertain. When you decide to change the way you look at things in your life, you have changed that uncertainty, even if it is in a small way. You will find evidence of that change because you took deliberate action to do so. That small or large change will entice you to challenge more parts of your behaviors and thoughts to guide you into the life you desire. Is it instantly, no? It is gradual, yes. When you decide to alter your present behaviors, you are in charge of feeling better and better even without seeing the evidence, and that immediately feels better. You begin to believe, and that is when your relationship with God will be rekindled but from your terms, not habit or tradition.
As always, new relationships are filled with best behaviors and attempts to impress the other, and so you became uplifted and hopeful when your long-distance relationship was at its peak. I’m glad you experienced that. Did either of you discuss the subject of dating others in your conversations? You were hurt and surprised by his unfaithfulness, and that affected you. It still affects you. Your words, “I can’t still remove the fact that he’s been unfaithful,” make that known. Yet you are still looking to have a relationship with him and believe if you meet in person, everything will change. Do you really believe when you see him face to face, you will have forgotten?
What I ask you to recognize is what made this relationship begin? It seems you were not feeling confident or hopeful, and then this relationship came along, and you were better. What was it that allowed you to enter into this relationship and let go of your uncertainty for a while to enjoy it? Was it how he made you feel or how you made him feel? Was it hope for the future through a relationship with him? Answering and looking deeper into these questions can bring light to your stress, quitting your job, and the loss of a business you started that ended with legal issues. Wise choice!
You can uncover truths through counseling, and I suggest you look into that idea. You can do so as well through writing. I suggest both. Self-inquiry and immersing myself in uplifting messages like Abraham-Hicks changed my life. You can’t grow a flower without the seed planted properly and cared for. You can’t have fulfilling relationships even with God unless you understand in some way what you are looking for and decide how to reach for it.
Often, we carry around opinions from what we have been taught or heard is the right behaviors by family, teachers, religions, and peers. It’s time to be clear about yourself and to share your feelings openly.
Self-inquiry is a practice worth taking on. If you haven’t learned to inquire within, you end up feeling hurt by what someone else does, seemingly to you. I say seemingly because until you ask a question directly, your reaction is purely yours and your past story and imagination.
I suggest you privately get in touch with why you still feel so hurt and why you are willing to continue to live with the fact that you are “unable to forget” before you make arrangements to meet in person. Then move ahead with what feels best.
Neither of you have done anything wrong. This is a situation of habits and conditioning and life that you may not even know you have or want to admit, maybe because you are afraid. Are you afraid of losing him, or being alone, or perhaps speaking up for yourself and coming across in a way that might surprise him and send him away? If you feel one way but act another because you think it is what he wants to hear, are you being true to yourself and honest to him?
Perhaps that is why your relationship with God has changed. Perhaps you feel differently lately or question what you have been taught, and that has caused you to question your relationship with God. You are allowed to question until you understand what you are feeling. That is part of being human. That is your right.
I invite you to listen to this link of Abraham-Hicks on YouTube regarding relationships. https://youtu.be/VIBGaNL1K9A There may be just one sentence in my response or in the video that is exactly what you need to hear to bring about a change in your behavior to bring you ease and begin your inquiry into feeling better and better.
Please understand change is not easy – yet rewarding. It takes time and the desire to care for yourself properly so you can care for someone else. So please go slow with the process. It will bring “things” up, and there are ways to do it kindly and mindfully.
So, what suits you? What are your favorite things? What makes you happy? Ultimately, what you will discover when you ask yourself deep questions and allow for the answers to come, is a mixture of emotions leading you to experience freedom. Be aware the answers may show up days or weeks later. Be patient. Be gentle with yourself but consistent.
So, look for a counselor to talk with and begin a journal of your thoughts. Please recognize reaching out for professional guidance is nothing to be ashamed of. We at EWC are not professional counselors. We use life experience to guide our wisdom and care.
With an open mind, watch this video of Dr. Paul Jenkins. He is a clinical psychologist that I believe can settle some of your angst and set you in a different and better mindset.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkkGyYU6kYw
You are someone who has faith in God but because things have not been so great – perhaps got lost not believing. Your belief is still there but shifted, and that’s how life is. It doesn’t stand still, and neither should you. God holds no grudge or judgment but rather waits for you to be happy and healthy the way God intended all life to be.
I invite you to write back to me to share how you are discovering more about yourself so you can be your best version of yourself and how things are working with your current relationship. It would be my pleasure to be able to help you further, so feel free to ask, but first, consider what has been said and see if getting to know yourself serves you.
Article #: 479526
Category: Self-Improvement