We come as a package. 

Our elder has some advice for a letter writer whose boyfriend needs to change his attitude.

 

Dear EWC

He always says how can you love someone and not love their child but it’s not giving! I always buy his kids stuff when he can’t. He didn’t tell my daughter happy birthday and didn’t even acknowledge her on her birthday, and didn’t buy her anything on her birthday either. I made sure his kids had birthday gifts, clothes, books and toys! It’s crazy – she asks about him every day and how he is doing all the time more than anyone, even his own kids. He randomly bought his kids some stuff and didn’t think or offer to buy my daughter anything. Always has something slick to say when it comes to her.

 

JensPen replies

Thanks for reaching out to EWC. I totally understand your feelings about the difference in how you treat your boyfriends’ kids and how he acts towards your daughter. I think it is time you and your BF have a quiet discussion about what is going on. Your first priority is your daughter and her safety and wellbeing.

You may have strong feelings for this guy but if this relationship is going to work he needs to realize and accept that you and your daughter are a package deal. Is it possible that he might be a bit oblivious to his attitude towards your daughter? Perhaps if you calmly point out his behavior and how hurtful it was for him not to acknowledge her birthday as he would his own children, maybe he will “see the light”. You need to approach this calmly and directly but not aggressively or with an attitude. Point out to him how much your daughter cares about him.

You wrote that he frequently makes “slick” comments  about her. Not knowing exactly what these are, you should point his comments out to him and not allow him to say anything inappropriate that might embarrass or hurt your daughter.

I wish you well with this situation and hope that you will take my advice and make your feelings known to your guy. You are clearly a loving mom who has your daughters’ feelings and best interest at heart. You are her champion, as you should be. Do not let this situation continue or get out of hand.

Good luck and please write again should you have any more questions.

Take care of yourself and your little one 🙂

Article #: 495492
Category: Dating/Relationship