Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
FRIENDSHIP: Everybody But Me Has Friends Original Letter Dear ElderWisdomCircle, Everyone around me seems to have a best friend and/or multiple friends. Except me. Every single day at lunch while all the other kids are hanging out with their friends having fun, I'm sitting all alone with no one to talk to. It's not like I haven't tried. I try to be nice and more social around people, but somehow I find myself friendless. I get a bit jealous when I see new students come to school and they instantly hit it off with others. (It's great and all those new kids are able to make new friends, but I've been in this school the whole time and haven't made one!) I'm not really into cliques, but it seems like the 'popular' and 'not-as-popular' kids have somebody. I've always been a bit shy, but even other supposedly shy kids have friends. By now it seems like it's too late to be able to break into closely bonded friend circles. I used to have friends, but they only lasted temperarily, and I feel like it's my fault those friends didn't last (it probably was my fault). Next year I'm going to high school. How can become 'a new me' and make friends? Or am I just not friendship material, and I should just give up? Sincerely, Lost Loner
Elder Response This is a difficult situation to be in, and you are wise to see that high school is an opportunity to get a fresh start and tackle this problem head on. One thing to recognize is that many friendships start with people who have similar interests and like doing things together. You may want to make an inventory of hobbies and things you like to do, and then see what teams, clubs or meetings are available for people who wish to join in those activities. Start by being a “joiner”. Go to meetings and get interest in those topics. Show enthusiasm for other people’s ideas and suggestions. You may even want to ask people who seem to be really good at those things if they will teach you or help you get better. People have a tendency to like people who are interest in them, so make it a habit to ask people about what they like and what they do. Follow up on those interests and learn more about what they do. If your parents allow this, you may to invite them to your house to engage in those activities. People like to be around interesting people. You might want to find some topics that a number of people like, and learn a lot about that topic. Get good at it, demonstrate your skill and passion for your interests (but not bragging) so that people will want to be with you. I’ve heard it said that if you want friends, be a friend. So, you may want to be on the lookout for people who seem to have no friends. Approach them at lunch and ask if you can join them. Get interested in them. Don’t be pushy. Just be nice and interested in them. You may want to consider joining a church group. Many youth groups are facilitated by relatively young youth ministers who are very skilled at getting young men and women who are shy to work on projects together, maybe doing community service. Working together may help build friendships too. Don’t despair, Lost Loner. There are many people like you somewhere out there who are looking for a young man just like you to be friends with. Best Regards, GeorgeK |
