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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

OTHER: Choose Love, Or See What's Out There?
Letter #: 379600
Category: Other

Original Letter

Hello,

I've been struggling to figure out what I want out of life. I'm a 25 year old college graduate. I have a full time job though it barely pays enough to get me through my next paycheck and definetly not enough to cover my student loan debt. I do it to myself, but I scroll through social media daily and see past classmates and friends doing so much with their lives. They're traveling or have great jobs making a bunch of money- they seem to have it all. I can't seem to figure out what my purpose is, what I'll be good at and love doing that will also make me happy and have enough money to pay my bills and have a little fun. I've been feeling like it might be my situation. I'm still living in the city I went to school in. A huge part of me feels it's oversaturated here, that my chapter is done and it's time to explore a new place get out of this state and in a new city, new state where I'll be the young explorer making lots of money I see on social media. Easier said than done. What's holding me back is my boyfriend. We've been together for 3 years and spend every day together we have never been apart, I can't imagine my life without him- he's my best friend and my other half. He grew up here and wouldn't mind leaving- he feels the same as me that the chapter is done, but he has a young son who he will never leave. The son lives primarily with his mother, but my boyfriend sees him once during the week and has him every other weekend. He tells me when his son is older we can move to a new place ... What's the rush now? That always gets me thinking okay he's right, there is no rush but I just feel like I'll be wasting my 20's floating through life not having a purpose not making money constantly being unsuccessful in finding the right career. My boyfriend just started a new job and is on the right track to make great money.. Enough for us to constantly travel and for him to help pay my bills... But nothing is guaranteed. Even then I will still be here stuck in this chapter. My biggest fear is leaving and losing him. Then will I be wishing I chose love instead of seeing what's out there? I don't want to make the wrong mistake and in ten years start asking myself "what if?"  I feel like I'm in a tug of war and instead of moving closer to one side, my arms just get longer. 

Elder Response

The only guarantee you have in life is that it is you who needs to make this decision. Your boyfriend and social media and I bet so many others will voice what they think they would do in your situation. My guess is some are even telling you what you should do for you. But, in essence, only you can make that decision, Natalia.

What really is important to you? Do you feel you have to decide between your boyfriend or money? Does it have to be either/or? Can you feel a sense of inner peace if you make your decision as a both/and? What I am getting at is that this can be a win/win for you instead of you feeling lost and missing out on life if you stay or feeling lost and missing out on life if you leave?

How is your relationship with your boyfriend's son? Are you involved with him when he visits his dad? And I have one final question (not intended for "ouch" or guilt, but I find it important to ask). My final question is: Can you respect your boyfriend if he leaves the area where he has the opportunity to visit and continue a relationship with his son?

These are a lot of questions. However, I asked these to encourage you to answer them in your heart of what is important, what may be important but can wait, and what is essential in your life. I wish you well, Natalia, as you find this quest of inner self.

Best Regards,

Grandma-Lucy


    

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