Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
DATING/RELATIONSHIP: He Proposed, Then Said He Didn't Love Me Anymore Original Letter I have been in a relationship for 5 years, we have 2 kids together, one of them is 1 and the other is 3. he proposed to me 1 month and a half ago and then 6 days ago we woke up in a bad mood and that afternoon he told me he had no feelings for me anymore, he said he didn't like kissing, hugging, holding hands, or anything else, and he no longer loves me. I can't do it without him, I love him so much and we lost our virginity together and I have never loved anybody besides him. he has never acted the way he is now, he always told me that he will leave me if he didn't love me and before 6 days ago he was just fine and he was doing all those things with me, so I need help. I want him back and I need help doing that, what should i do? Elder Response ~~I'm sorry that you are going through this. To find out if he really meant what he said, or whether he said it because he was in a bad mood and was just lashing out at you, you need to talk to him in a way that won't make him get defensive. Say to him that you have cherished the 5 years that he has been in your life and the two kids you two created, and that you are confused because just a month and a half ago he proposed to you, so you thought things were going well and that he loved you and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. Say that then 6 days ago he told you he had no feelings for you anymore and that it shocked you. Ask him if you did something wrong, something to hurt him, and if so you are sorry. Ask him to be honest with you and tell you what all of a sudden happened that made him go from wanting to marry you to saying he doesn't love you. Ask if it is that he met someone else, or if he isn't feeling well, or what is up. Ask if it was just that day was miserable and he didn't want to face that again or what. Depending on what he says, you will know what to do. If he truly believes he doesn't love you or want to be with you and the kids, then you will have to let him go as you can't make someone love you, it just happens naturally. You could have a temporary separation to give him time to make sure this is really what he wants. If he says it is just the treating each other badly, when in a bad mood, or something else about the relationship that is fixable, come up with ways to change that. Have an open and honest conversation where each of you say how you feel without blaming the other or pointing fingers. Say what needs you have that are not getting met in the relationship and which ones are getting met, and then both of you propose solutions to change this. Neither of you should try to get your way, instead you both should try to come up with ideas that you know you both can live with, even if not your first choice. Best of luck to you. Best Regards, Grandpa-Bill |
