Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Boyfriend likes to embarrass me Original Letter Hello :) So here's my question: My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months and he intentionally tries embarrassing me in front of our mutual friends. We started off as best friends and eventually realized that we liked each other romantically so we started dating. We get together with our friends quite frequently and he makes outrageous comments about what goes on in the bedroom and other personal things that we do when we're together. It's clear that he does it specifically to get a reaction out of me. Whenever I blush about stuff like that he just laughs and seems to do it more. Whenever I experience an embarrassing moment he never lets me hear the end of it and totally makes fun of me at any given opportunity. Sometimes he'll even tell his friends about what happened and watch me squirm, which clearly amuses him for whatever reason. He just teases me a whole lot and usually I can laugh along but lately it's really getting to me. I know he doesn't do it out of maliciousness because he is extremely caring and protective of me but at the same time I'm a very sensitive person and take things to heart. The main reason I like him is because he knows how to lighten the mood and allows me to stop being so serious all the time. He is a bit of a 'class clown' so I'm sure he just likes putting on a show for other people (including our friends) but sometimes I wonder if I'm just a total joke to him because all his jokes seem to revolve around me. What do you think I should do? Do I talk to him about his behavour and that it sometimes hurts my feelings? Thanks in advance for answering my question :) Elder Response I am responding to what you said in your letter but a "talk" with your boyfriend is long overdue. In fact, this shouldn't be a talk but a strong statement to him that you don't like his "jokes" and they are to stop immediately. Tell him what he is doing is disrespectful and unless it stops, your relationship is over. And mean it. You say he is not malicious but what he is doing is very malicious. No one should enjoy seeing their partner embarrassed. That is hurtful and probably abusive and certainly not a sign of love. If he were truly caring and protective of you, he would not be acting in this fashion. He apparently has no concern for your feelings. I would be interested in how you see him as protective. I wonder whether this might be controlling behavior. I think you need to carefully consider whether you want to continue with someone who feels free to share intimate details of your relationship, who makes a point to embarrass you in front of friends and expects you to take it as a joke. The best thing I can say about his behavior is that it is immature but I fear that it is worse than that. These type of actions make me wonder whether he has the potential to be abusive. He certainly is emotionally abusing you right now. Please write back and tell me what you have done. I am worried about you and want you to be safe and happy. If you can't believe what I have said, please write back to get a second opinion or discuss this with an adult you admire and whose opinion you will accept. You deserve to be treated better and there are other guys out there who will not spend their time embarrassing you. Best Regards, Cousin-B |
