Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Tell Her How I Feel, Or Wait?
Hi... my name is jack and I'm 15... the other day I asked a girl to homecoming and she said yes. Exciting right? Not necessarily... we were literally great friends before that but I want to be more than friends. But I'm not sure if she feels the same way... and if I just tell her that I like her and she doesn't like me back, that could ruin our whole friendship... what should I do?
My recommendation is that you go to homecoming and have fun, without telling her that you like her. That can wait. If she is attracted to you, then I think you will sense that in time. It is better not to rush it so that she has more time for her feelings to develop without being put on the spot. For now, the more fun you have together and the longer it lasts, the more likely it is that she too will want more. I think letting the relationship unfold naturally is better than trying to control it and make something happen.
Be sensitive to how she reacts to you. If there is an opportunity in which it seems appropriate to demonstrate how you feel in a subtle way, then move forward gradually (i.e. telling her how pretty she looks, how good she smells, how much you enjoy being around her or even holding her hand). If she welcomes those types of comments and seems flattered, good, then continue to compliment her. It is an easy way to test the water. If she reacts negatively, then back off. It is all about playing it by ear. Timing is everything.
Jack, I hope that will help get you off to a good start. Trust that you will know if she likes you more than just a friend. Although I believe in honesty, it isn’t worth ruining the friendship by being direct. I hope you have a blast at homecoming and that your friend lets you know in subtle ways that she too is interested. Be patient though, and give her time if it doesn’t happen right away. I am happy to talk with you further if I can be of more help.