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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FRIENDSHIP: Not Really Friends Anymore, Should I Wish Him Happy Birthday?
Letter #: 387066
Category: Friendship

Original Letter

After being best friends with a guy friend of mine for almost 5 years I decided to call it quits once he got a girlfriend and left his true friends behind. I wasn't only to put my life on hold for him when all he wanted from me now we're answers to a quiz and couldn't even ask how my day was. After six months, we randomly hung out at his house for an hour after a fluke accident. His birthday is coming up next week and I have no idea how to respond. I usually go all out for his birthday with treats and an all day surprise with his family and our other close guy friend, but since we don't talk anymore I don't know what to do... Should I send a happy birthday text or plan a cute surprise thing like I always do? I mean we're seniors and we won't see each other in college but he was my best friend at one point so I'm lost. Then again, he's never done anything special for me on my birthday, in fact he also forget every year. What should I do?

Elder Response

Friendships change so much in high school, Nat. You're discovering who you are as people.  Trust me, the business of someone dropping their friends when they find a significant other is as old as time.  It has happened to me, it has happened to you, and 60 years from now it'll happen to someone else (and maybe YOU'LL be the one to advise them!).

I completely understand your quandary.  You're faced with what WAS...vs. what IS right now.  My feeling is you should send him a cute text, e-card at the most, and that's IT.  You're not regularly in each others' lives.  He doesn't remember your birthday, and your relationship has greatly changed.  You're acknowledging his day - which is considerate of you, but I see no reason to anything more.  It's so hard to face changes like this - that part doesn't get easier, and who knows, years from now - you guys may reconnect and rekindle a friendship...  But right now it has profoundly changed.  Be a nice person...do the "Happy Birthday" thing...and let it go.  Good luck.

Best Regards,



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