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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Is This Relationship Worth My Time?
Letter #: 387170
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Hi, I've been with my bf for almost year now. It was nice in the beginning but now I feel like I'm not Important to him. I am at that stage in my life where I want to settle down, get married and have a family. However I don't think he is. I care about him a lot but I just don't know what to do. I only see him once a week, he does not support me (ex. My dad is sick and there was a benefit for him and my bf couldn't be bothered to go because he was working) in my opinion if he cared he could of came for a little bit after his shift. We haven't even said I love you yet. I feel unhappy a lot of the time because I don't see him so I don't know if this relationship is worth my time.

Elder Response

I think you've answered your own question, Musicgirl.  You've been dating this guy for a year...You rarely see him, he has never said "I love you", and couldn't make an effort to be at your Dad's benefit (I do understand him having to work but he could have at least made an effort).  He may be an ok and fun guy to hang with, but, if you're at a point where you're looking to get married and have a family, this man clearly doesn't seem ready in any shape or form.

You have a decision to make.  If the current parameters are ok...and he's someone to "date", then continue seeing him and have fun.  If you have your heart set on looking for a long-term committed relationship...I'd start to look elsewhere.  Maybe years from now the guy will be ready, but I don't see it right now.  You sound like a very caring person, who values family (I have the feeling you're a great daughter and your Dad should be proud of you).  See if you can find someone who wants the things you do, who will deserve you, and be looking to settle down too.

Best of everything to you (and your father).

Best Regards,



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