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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FAMILY: Mom Thinks Girlfriend Is Bad Influence, But It Was My Mistake
Letter #: 387442
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Dear Whomever, I have truly messed up. I am (or I guess I can say I was) dating this girl.. Me and her are in love. I am 17 and she is 18. Well my grades in school wasn't so good. I'm failing 4 classes and one of those classes as told my mother that I skip their class to go by my girlfriend. So my mom made me break up with her because she believes that my girlfriend is a bad influence on me. But she isn't, she tried to tell me to go to class but I didn't listen. I want to still date my girlfriend but my mom doesn't and now my girlfriend is mad at me and don't want to listen to anything I have to say. What is the best way to win back the heart of my girlfriend and get my mom to approve of me and her dating again? Need info before tomorrow!

Elder Response

Yours is not the kind of question that leads to a quick solution. Nothing will happen by tomorrow. However, if you really are willing to work on solving this problem and being able to be with this girl, there is much you have to do.

1. You have to go to classes, study and build up your grades. This is not only for this girl but for yourself and for any future woman you may want in your life. What do you have to offer this girl? Any girl would want to be with a successful man. Failing any class is not an option. You must aim to be the kind of man she would want to be with! That is your first priority.

2. You didn't listen to your parents. You didn't listen to this girl who told you to go to class. Man up and take responsibility for your life. Accept the consequences of your actions. You did mess up. Now fix it.

3. You are 17. That is not grown up and you are not behaving like a grown up. If you love her -- earn that love by making something of yourself. What are you going to do if you flunk out of high school -- work sweeping streets? Or do you expect her to support you? For heaven's sake,  Jacob, take a good look at your possible future -- beyond tomorrow.

4. If she really loves you, she will understand that you have to spend more time on your work. She will understand that doing this will be building a better future for both of you.

5. Don't confuse long term and short-term gratification. The time you are taking from her now to spend on yourself will pay off in the long term when you will have more to offer her.

Right now, offer mom and the girlfriend a compromise. Set specific times to see her -- if you promise to use the rest of the time wisely (to talk to your teachers, make up work, study and do homework). Ask for a trial month  to prove yourself! Then do it!

Best Regards,



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