Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™
FAMILY: Telling My Family I'm a Lesbian
I recently came out to my friends that I was a lesbian. I had actually told them all that I was bisexual up until today and I was worried about them thinking wrong of me. Now I'm really upset. I feel like my friends don't like me anymore, but I know that they do. (I wasn't exactly keeping it totally subtle, however, because I only ever dated girls in the past). Now the real problem is coming out to both sets of my parents. My father who is now with my step-mum isn't exactly fond of the idea of me being lesbian, and my mother wouldn't believe me and would mock me for it. I don't know what to do and I really want to tell them but I know that they won't be happy. I don't want to put a wedge in between me and my mother's relationship even more so what do I do?
First let me thank you for your patience while you waited for a response from us. Your letter and what you are going through is important. I can appreciate the dilemma you are in, I do. It is not an easy thing to do and I have learned the timing is important. Not sure how old you are and if you are living with either of your parents at this time. So again, there are many things to consider before you tell your parents. I wish it were easier for you and others, I do.
Here are some websites that help with that timing issue and if you have parents who are resistent to the idea of you being gay. Even if they are not, parents need time to digest this fact. It is not probably someting that they thought would ever need to be considered. So please, remember that Theresa. No matter what, your parents will most likely be in shock, denial and need time. That doesn't mean that they do not love you, but just need time to adjust.
Now while you figure this out, Theresa, you need support and understanding. I usually recomend getting counseling from a therapist who is trained and comfortable in the "coming out' process. That way you won't feel so alone and have the support you need. Your friends, if they are truly your friends, will come around too.
Let us know when and how things are going. If you do get counseling, some folks come out by inviting their parents either apart or together in a session. That way you have someone there (your therapist) to back you up.
Write us again, and give us (me) an update. I will be here cheering you forward. Remember, Theresa, its a process, and won't be resolved all at once. Good luck!