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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Does he just want a hook up?
Letter #: 388085
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter


I am a 25 year old female and I've been on a few dates with a 23 year old male. I met him while out with friends and for the past few weeks we've hung out in a group both Friday and Saturday night. I felt an instant attraction to this guy, who is 23, his name is Cody. He got my number from my friend and ended up asking me out to dinner and it went great. We've since gone out to dinner another time and that was also great. However, one of my friends told me that one of Cody's friends heard him say 'he just wants to have sex with me.' I'm not sure what to think, as this friend tries to cause drama with every guy I date and also seems a bit jealous of me. We aren't that close and haven't been friends very long. I can't wrap my head around why he would take me out to dinner multiple times if he just wanted to sleep with me. He even stayed the night last weekend and we didn't do anything but cuddle. He has asked me out to dinner again this week and I'm not sure what to do. I asked him if he was genuinely interested or he just wanted a hook up and he said he really likes me. What do I do? I actually really like this guy.

Elder Response

Dating is so challenging...and no one knows what anyone else is thinking. But, at the moment, you two seem to enjoy each other's company, so why not take THAT for what it is?  I don't know who this "friend" is who told you Cody just wants to have sex, (not much of a friend as I see it), but why not just take it day by day and see what happens?  The facts: you've met someone who's company you enjoy, who has asked you out - and seems like a gentleman.  If that changes, then you can re-evaluate the situation  But why cut off a good thing because some so called friend of yours is trying to get into your business where she doesn't belong?

I can't tell you if you and Cody will go riding off into the sunset together, but at the moment he is a nice person and you're having fun.  Nothing wrong with that.  Try not to get ahead of yourself.  We're all insecure and we've all had bad experiences and baggage.  But right now ENJOY and have fun.  And, until there is some sign that he's misbehaving, see if you can remain present.  I wish you the best of luck...just BREATHE and have a good time!

Best Regards,



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