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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

MARRIAGE: Think I Married the Wrong Guy!
Letter #: 388477
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Dear Sir or Madam: I am in love with this man and I feel like he feels the same way. We had been texting each other then I had to stop. Unfortunately, I got married to this guy and I believe he only married me because he knew this guy was in love with me. When I text him he never text me back. What should I do?

Elder Response

I am afraid you might not like my answer, Lefty. If not, please don't hesitate to write us again to get another elder's ideas. 

In my humble opinion it is time to pay attention to those marriage vows you made. You must have cared about the man who married you... because you married him. During the first months of marriage things usually get hard as the adjustments necessary to live together have to be made. As the 'honeymoon' period fades and you two must work out your differences, it is often hard to 'feel the love'. 

This man you have been texting is all 'new and shinny'... as his dishes aren't in the sink and stinky socks aren't in the laundry. For all I know he might not live in the same zip code. I think it might be an illusion, Lefty, that this man would be the better one for you. It might also be an illusion that the only reason your husband married was because he was jealous that someone else wanted you. Most people don't marry for shallow reasons.

It might be that you are distracting yourself from the work that needs to be doing to build a solid marriage. It might be if you were to divorce your husband and marry this texting lover you'd find yourself in the same disillusioned spot shortly after that new marriage. You made marriage vows. Before you give up on this marriage, try to build a solid union. Women who jump from partner to partner too easily often wind up alone. No man wants a woman who isn't willing to try to make things work... just as no woman wants a man who wants everything his own way. 

If, however, you do feel you married foolishly, avoid having children for the time being. Be responsible for getting yourself good doctor prescribed birth control. A child probably will not make your marriage closer and complicates things a great deal if you were to divorce. 

So I'd suggest you let this text-man be. No longer try texting him. Pay attention, instead, to the work of building a strong marriage. Try making your marriage work for at least 6 more months. It may be you need to work past some lumps and bumps in this union. Write us anytime. 

Best Regards,



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