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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

OTHER: Torn Between My Bisexuality and My Christian Faith
Letter #: 388532
Category: Other

Original Letter


I am a bisexual girl that lives in a christan family. I love God and his laws, but I'm causing harm to my family by my sexuality and they don't even know. I have some queer friends but they can't relate, and my mom hates it when I do something gay, such as drawing sexuality flags or talk about LGBT rights. My brother knows I'm bi, but I don't seek advice from him because he's very sex-driven. My mom feels like I should just ditch my queer friends (since she feels it's their fault I like gay things) and live a life with God, but I feel like I can't run away from who I am, but I feel like I want a good relatinship with God and don't want to dissapoint my parents. What should I do? Should I never come out of the closet until I'm older?

Elder Response

Kayden, I don't know how old you are but if you are under 18 then my suggestion would be to hold back from advertising any identity decisions with anyone. During the teen years a LOT of things are going on, mentally, emotionally and physically and coming to an early decision on who you are might be premature. 

In recent years there has certainly been a LOT of discussion about sexuality and human nature. In the 19th and early 20th century there was little or no discussion and if one felt one was not heterosexual then one kept it to oneself. Today widespread social media has led us to lengthy discussion and debate about sexual identity not only in the secular world but also in the religious realm. 

As far as the Bible goes and God's laws, I think that is between you and God. As the saying goes, "God doesn't make junk". It's up to us to work at not being junk. While we are all born with certain specific biological anatomical identifiers, how we are "wired" can be difficult to understand. Recently a pretty important religious leader, that is the Pope, said, "Who am I to judge?" I agree that ultimately only God can judge and He will do that based on whether we truly followed our conscience. 

Kayden, it sounds to me like you are still a "work in progress" so, as I suggested earlier, I'd hold off on worrying or making any decisions or commitments until you feel totally confident of your identity. That may not occur until the late teens or early 20's. For some folks, maybe even later. Remember that it isn't easy to "be who you are" when you are not quite sure who you are. But don't worry about it, just give yourself a bit more time.

I hope this advice helps. Please do feel free to write back anytime! Take care!

Best Regards,



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