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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: I like this Guy..But My Friend...
Letter #: 390064
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Well I like this Guy and we talk all the time and I like,like home and I want to tell him but I don't want to ruin our friendship and I have run into two other problems with this and this is he is my bffs ex and my other friend also likes him. I feel I can't compete with how pretty they are. I need advice fast.

Elder Response

Your problem isn't whether or not you can compete with your other friends' looks, Basia.  Your problem is the fact this is your best friend's ex and your other friend also likes him. 

What you will find in life is that you will have many crushes on many guys.  Guys tend to come and go in our lives.  Our feelings for them can burn intensely bright for a period of time and then just fizzle out when we least expect it.  A great friend, however, is like a rare gem.  They can be a bright ray of sunshine on our worst cloudy day.  They are there for us when we need someone and they bring laughter and fun into our lives.  To me the risk of losing one of your good friends is not worth possibly winning the affections of this particular guy.  Your best friend could feel betrayed by you even though they are no longer a couple.  Certainly the other friend would be upset because apparently she's made her feelings for him known to you.

I would think long and hard before pursuing this guy, Basia.  You have to ask yourself if it's really worth the risk of potentially losing two friendships.  My best friend from high school is still my very best friend to this day.  If I had pursued her ex-boyfriend all those years ago, our friendship might have ended badly.  I would have missed out on decades of being with her and all the wonderful memories of those times.  The reality is that one day this guy won't even cross your mind.  Moreover, if you did pursue him and got together as a couple, when it ended......and odds are in favor of that.....you could possibly lose his friendship. It's not always easy to go back to being friends after making it something more.   Think about all the possible repercussions before acting on your feelings for him. 

Best Regards,



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