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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FRIENDSHIP: Feel Stupid For Staying Friends With Her
Letter #: 390167
Category: Self-Improvement

Original Letter

Dear elderly, I am very very stupid. Borderline dumb i have to admit it, I let someone back into my life that i regret letting back in. Perhaps becasue i dont have balls. 

You see she was my best firend, well I was to her, until i found out she was with my ex boyfriend. i am not sure if she said something to break us apart or not but i later saw messages of him and her saying i love you and things. so i got pissed and stopped being her friend for her for a year. I had a horrible time i really loved him she knew this i had no eyes for another guy but for him and she still went for him. 

After 8 months of not being frends with her i received a text from her applogizing and telling me she never had anything with him and that she could have never done that to me, i responded with i forgive you and since then she started to hang out with me again and it all went back to normal. but i then later found out that she actually did have something with him but she is very promiscous so it wasnt only him it was him and other boys plus my brother which is funnt becasue the first time we stopped being freinds was becasue i found out she had something with my brother. 

We are now currently freinds but i have to say, i am stupid to keep being with her its just a matter of time before she does something evil again. I cant i am scared of telling her no i dont know why?? I am sick. She is malupulating and mean i cant i have to love myself more, still being her freind would mean i dont respect myself i dont love me .. etccc

Elder Response

It sure does seem as if you are being very hard on yourself.  Would you tell a friend that she is stupid?  Or, borderline dumb?   You are neither of these.  Perhaps you have made some poor choices, but guess what?  We all do!  It is called LIFE and LEARNING.  And for some of us, it takes more than once.  For me, it is generally three times before I learn the lesson.  It just keeps reappearing until I learn it.  I'm more in tune with life's lessons now and trying hard to learn from them the first time because it is no fun having them keep reappearing.

So your friend's actions have shown you who she really is.  Sofi, good for you for recognizing that!  And good for you  to recognize and admit that she is not a good influence for you.  

Sofi, you don't have to say anything to her or offer her any explanations.  Just quit calling, texting, emailing etc.  And when she asks you if you want to do something, or if she can come over, just polietly but firmly say, "no thank you."  No explanation is required.  Sofi, people drift apart all the time; in fact, it is a rare friend that you can have for life.  And she is not one of those!

Please feel free to write to the Elder Wisdom Circle any time.

Best Regards,

Sannie


    

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