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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Juggling A Drinking Issue and a Girl I Care About
Letter #: 392994
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

So here it goes. A 2 months ago my best friend, Laura, decided to ask me out and we we're really happy together. She was going through some shit, as the other day was her deceased father's birthday. I kept my phone on me and comforted her when she needed help, but she just pushed me away when she got into these moods so I thought it would be best if I gave her space. after that she texted me that it would be best that if we just stayed friends, but she states that she still has romantic feelings. I asked her what I did wrong and she said I wasn't really there for her. I want to be with her because we get along very well. 

The other day we had a talk (she initiated) and I was absolutely hammered because I am at the moment working on my drinking issue, but this last week threw me overboard and I relapsed. after I sobered up she called me and asked that what I said to her drunk meant anything and (not to blame her) doesn't believe I really care about her. 

Do you guys have any advice to see if I could win her back. I really care about her and I feel like I f-ed all of this up. I have some friends helping both of us work it out, but I thought getting an outsider perspective from someone not involved, Sincerely, Fabrizio

Elder Response

Here’s my suggestion for you, Fabrizio.  I strongly encourage you to talk to your doctor to get a referral for some counseling.  Sometimes we just can't do everything for ourselves by ourselves. We need the expertise of a trained professional to ask us the right questions, in an effort to help guide us in a healthy direction.  Either go to counseling or find the nearest AA meeting and start attending AA (Alcoholics Anonymous).

Until you get this issue resolved, you will keep saying and doing things when you’re drinking that you probably wouldn’t say or do if you were sober.  Let her know that you’re going to reach out for help and ask her to be patient with you.  Maybe she’ll reconsider and give you a chance to show her that you can be a better person.

It takes two people to make a relationship work and if she’s not willing to participate, there’s nothing you can do about it.  If you don’t resolve your drinking problem, you will have issues with every relationship so it’s in your best interest to make this a priority. 

I hope you’ll give this serious consideration and that everything works out well for you.  

Best Regards,



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