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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FRIENDSHIP: Can This Friendship Be Repaired?
Letter #: 394474
Category: Friendship

Original Letter

Hi, I'm a sophomore in high school. Over the weekend I was at a party where I met a guy who happened to be my friend's older brother. I am 16 and he just turned 20. We hit it off fairly well and ended up kissing. I wasn't really in my right mind when I did it. When I thought about it, I ended things almost immediately. My friend, who wasn't at the party, found out and got super mad. In my opinion more mad than she should be, but I'm not sure. Anyway, I planned to apologize in person but seeing as we only have one class together and don't really hang out much outside of school, I had to text her. I didn't want to cause extra drama and tension in our class. So I texted her a long message explaining why I hadn't apologized sooner and apologizing and admitting my fault. She said something along the lines of "It's whatever. But things won't be the way they used to be. I love you too." I was and still am very confused. Did she mean we weren't friends anymore? I really need help about what to do next. Is there any way to fix this?

Elder Response

You won't be the first or last person, Haley, to kiss someone that you "shouldn't have" when you were "not yourself".  It happens.  To all of us.

However, you were correct in 1) ending it and 2) apologizing.  Usually I believe in doing these things in person, but totally understand your texting your friend in order to avoid drama in the classroom!  She's upset.  For whatever reasons she has taken this personally, or who knows.  Something very similar happened to me when I was young and it too upset my friend.  I apologized, as you did.  

The best thing to do is to give her a little space.  Maybe after a couple of weeks "check" in with her, quietly, and without a lot of fanfare or drama via text, or just say hi as you pass her.  If you guys are really good friends, she will likely see that you "get" that you made a mistake and it's not worth losing a friendship over.  But let her get over her "tizzy" and slowly try to make a little conversation.

I think your friendship will survive, as mine did. Sometimes we do stupid stuff...and it's a learning experience.  Good luck.

Best Regards,



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