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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: He Wants to Be Friends with Benefits
Letter #: 395127
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Hello, in October of 2016 I started talking to this guy that I had feelings for when I was younger. The first day I saw him after years of not seeing him we had sex. We continued to have sex which was amazing. We had very nice conversations as well, we hung at LEAST once a week. I started developing feelings for him once again and told him. He told me it wasn't good because he didn't want a relationship. Yet he did continue to contact me and hang out with me. I didn't get my period the whole month of November and I am never ever late. I was so scared I was pregnant because we did have unprotected sex once or twice. I didn't tell him until I knew I was sure. I took a test and luckily it came out negative. A couple of days later I hung out with him and I asked him casually if he was having sex with others girls. He overreacted and jumped out of my car and walked home. It has been a month since I've seen or talked to him and I'm finally over him and come to accept he wasn't right for me. He called me yesterday and told me he wanted to talk to me in person. So I did, because unlike him I am a decent human being and is capable of listening. He told me he just wanted to be friends but I'm just not sure if I can do that after the way he treated me before. I admit I do want sex but I don't know. I just need some advice, sorry this is so long.

Elder Response

I don't know that simple friendship is what he wants either. He only wants to be friends with sexual benefits, you don't know if that's what you want. Apparently protecting you is not a high priority for him since you had unprotected sex. You had a late period and feared you might be pregnant. 

Pregnancy should not be left to luck. You need to get birth control for yourself if you are going to be sexually active! 

When you asked whether he was having sex with others, he didn't answer. He got upset and jumped out of your car. Telling. Better get checked for STD's. 

Melody, you decided he wasn't right for you. Stick to your guns. 

I hope you didn't let him get sexual when you met. If you two had sex again, it sort of points to the possible fact that he called you not to talk things over, but, to entice you, again, into sexually pleasuring him. 

If you two had sex again, it also sort of points to the fact that right now you are not strong enough to resist his charms. Thus you are not strong enough to stand up for yourself. You said he wasn't right for you... so being sexual with him was not to your advantage in any way. I don't think you can be friends with him if that's code for being a friend with benefits for him. You don't need to be enemies, but, you two can't hang out together in compromising places. 

I hope my perspective helps. If not don't hesitate to write us again for another elder's help. 

Best Regards,



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