Go back to search results

Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Caught Him with Another Girl
Letter #: 397377
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

So, today i caught my boyfriend with another girl and its the first time this has ever happened. i dont know what to do. and it really pains me to think about that. please if someone knows how to help, please help me.

Elder Response

You do not specify what they were doing, Kaylee.

Were they just talking or were they kissing and hugging? Were they in a secluded place like a couple in a romantic setting?

Or were they in a public place just having lunch or dinner?

Did you see them coming out of a hotel?

I will provide advice based on a couple of assumptions, OK?

If you just saw them having lunch in a public place as a two friends, maybe you need to ask him about it if that bothers you. Do you mind if he has female friends and sees them once in a while? If you do, tell him. You need to let him know what are the boundaries. He may think you are too jealous or to possessive. It does not matter what he thinks, If it bothers you, tell him and both of you will decide to whether continue with the relationship or not.

You said this is the first time that ever happened. Did you ask him who she is? If so, how did he respond? If not, you need to ask him so you get whatever doubts out of your mind. She may be an old high school friend for all I know.

Now, I you saw them in an inapproprite situation kissing and hugging, you need to ask him and let him know you do not like it and can't accept that. You may have to consider whether to stay with him or not. Very often I hear this "I don't know what to do". Well, yes you know what to do if he is clearly cheating on you. You need to either forgive him or leave him after you talk about it. The problem is that your feelings make it difficult to do what you need to do. Keep your feelings at bay and reason things.

The bottom line is one word: communication. Sit down with him and tell him what you saw, how you felt and talk about it. From there you decide to either stay with him or not.

I hope this reply helped you and I hope all works out for the best.

Best Regards,



 Give feedback on this letter

The ElderWisdomCircle™ program has been made possible in part through a generous grant from Google. || Administration
Copyright © 2014 ElderWisdomCircle™. All Rights Reserved. Design by Elana Churchill


 Site Map   |   Contact Us