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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FRIENDSHIP: Best Friend Is Pulling Away From Me
Letter #: 398188
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Hi, my name is Emily, And I wanted a bit of advice about My relationships with my friends. 

So recently I've gone into the one grade where everyone starts to make new friends, and maybe abandon the old. And currently, my long time best friend, I'll refer to her as Jenny, has slowly seemed to be breaking away from me. This year we have no periods together, and the only time I get to see Jenny is at lunch, but even then she is with all her other friends too. Now I don't mind most of them, since I'm pretty friendly with a few of them, but there is this one girl, I'll call her Ella, who has never really liked me, and I have never really liked her. And Jenny and Ella seem to hang out a lot lately, and I feel as if Ella is trying to make me jealous, as she hugs Jenny around me a lot, and refers to Jenny as her best friend, which really hurts me. But I didn't really mind it, and I felt a bit bad for Jenny as I know she isn't really a hugging person. 

But recently, Jenny has been referring to Ella as her best friend as well, and it kind of makes me wonder if all this time, she preferred Ella over me. It's also been a bit of a hard year for me as my other best friend switched schools. Don't get me wrong I have others friends, but I wouldn't consider them my best friends I'm really bad at confronting people, so I feel like confronting either Jenny or Ella is out of the question, what should I do?!

Elder Response

Emily, I am be happy to answer your letter. I can understand your dilemma. I commend you for bringing it forward for comments. That took courage and shows your maturity.

Right off the bat, I want to say that I was glad that you wrote that you are "really bad at confronting people." This is a situation where I think you would do best to not confront anyone. You mentioned that you have other friends, although you don't consider them "best friends" and that's wonderful. I was glad to read that. It tells me that you have the capability of making friends and sustaining relationships.

My recommendation would be to put your relationships with Jenny and Ella aside. If you can do that, you will be able to put your time and energy into the other friends you have and perhaps making some new friends. You will become "best friends" with someone else as time goes on. We don't plan those things, they just happen. That's what makes them special. But, "Jenny" is definitely not your best friend any more. That's not how best friends treat each other.

It is sad to think that your friendship with "Jenny" has changed, but sometimes life isn't fair. But at times like this it is best to start fresh with what you have, which is some other friendships. Whatever you do, don't be hard on yourself. You are not at fault and what happened was unavoidable. But, again, I think it wise not to confront either "Jenny" or "Ella."

I hope that this has been helpful to you, Emily, and I wish you a great deal of happiness in the coming weeks, months and years. Think positive. I am a great believer in that.

I would love to hear how things work out for you. I'll be thinking of you.

Feel free to contact The Elder Wisdom Circle in the future. If this was helpful, we hope you will recommend us to others.

Best Regards,



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