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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Trying to get my ex back
Letter #: 401971
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Me and my ex broke up about two months ago. We were living together for about a year. I made the mistake of contacting her and begging to get back together and I don't know what to do. She will answer my calls if I called her but she won't initiate the call. Me and her family are really close. Good friends with her brother and her sister husband. The reason we broke up is in her eyes I'm to negative. I run a business and it puts stress on me and sometimes I get down. She still hasn't even got her stuff from my house yet. She left so much but she has been gone for 2 months never called or anything. We are still friends on Facebook and I know she isn't seeing anyone else for a fact. 

If you could give me some advice it would be amazing. Just heart broken and I want to fix things. I been exercising trying to be more positive to everyone around me. Trying to pick up hobbies to show that I can be happier Idk.

Elder Response

Cj, there is no going backwards! Your relationship ended because it did not work for her, unlike many women she gave you a clue as to to how to win her. If you want her then you have to become attractive to her according to what she wants and you have to win her all over again. Don't go back, go forwards.  Now remember that it is a bonus sometimes if the family like you but the family is not her, don't use them to get to her, get to her yourself. The fact she will talk to you and take your calls is a good first step, now you have to take the next ones. 

Begin by developing your positive gene. You do this by being like Pollyanna, get the book and read the story of the little girl who 'always found something to be glad about' . Get a notebook and pencil and at the end of every day write down at least 3 things that have gone well that day, it can be something small like 'I did not eat that extra piece of cake' or it can be big 'The president did not declare war today' or 'we won a new contract', anything positive! Get used to looking on the bright side of life. It is a practice. When people ask you how you are always answer  'I am great, and how are you?'  By 'faking it often enough you make it'. 

Next find a movie or play or concert that is positive with a happy message and invite her to come with you to see it. Not a date, two friends enjoying a positive experience. If she like horses go to see horses, if she likes dancing go dancing, if she likes whatever take her to whatever. The trick is to come away smiling. If that works invite her to join you one evening eating HER favorite food, Ask her her ideal menu then order it. If she asks 'is this a date' then you answer'  Only if you want it to be'. To win her back you have to be slow, steady, patient and positive. Becoming positive is a daily practice and the older you are the harder it will be to get there, it can be done just as I have suggested. Once you can do three a day then do one every hour that you are awake. Then practice always responding in the positive way, the weather is bad -great I Have new raincoat to use. The highway is closed - Ok then today i will trust my employees and I will work from home. There is no computer - good I can read the papers on my desk. Get the idea? 

Continue the exercise, that is great! A good positive move, maybe even ask her if she ever wants to join you for a walk, a jog, a swim , a cycle ride, a game of badminton. or tennis and so on. Get coaching from an expert on how to manage the stress of business, so that at the end of the day business is finished. Get the idea?

She is there to be won, all you have to do is become worthy, the kind of man she wants around her so don't fix things, fix yourself. If you get it right she will choose to be with you, maybe some dates will be needed but she can find an excuse to come to you by simply wanting her stuff! I hope that is helpful, if you have other questions on this or other topics do come back to us, you will always be very welcome.     

Best Regards,



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