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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FRIENDSHIP: Backstabbing Besties
Letter #: 403080
Category: Friendship

Original Letter

One day, I got in a minor fight with my best friend. It was a minor fight about how i misunderstood something. My other best friend got involved but we kind of brushed it off. Then about 3 weeks ago, they decided one day to completely ignore me and block me from their Instagram accounts. I did NOT to anything to them. I would go to talk to them and they would ignore me or nod their head. I would ask if I could sit next to them at the lunch table and they would say I can't I'm sitting next to (blank) and this happened everyday. Before we would always sit next to each other. I have no idea what I did or how this started but they have told my other friends and now they are kind of ignoring me. They also talk trash about me behind my back all the time. Even in class, we used to be partners for everything and now they partner up with other people and don't even look at me. When we are happy and are good we have SO MUCH fun! We laugh, tell jokes, and have an amazing time but thats all gone. I don't know what to do. Please help.

Elder Response

To find out why the change in their behavior towards you, you need to talk to one of them alone.  Go see one of them when they are alone, away from others, such as at their home (people act differently in front of their peers as need to save face), or call them when no one else is around them and just keep it about yourself and how you feel so that they don't feel attacked and get defensive.

Just say that you sense you have done something wrong, something to offend them and say that if you did you are very sorry and it wasn't intentional.  Ask them to be honest with you and tell you what caused the change in behavior towards you (the ignoring and trash talk). Then even if you don't feel you did anything wrong, apologize and ask if you can start over with them.  Do this with each of your friends.   Hopefully they will be willing to forget the past and start over. If not, they are not true friends and you should make new friends.


Best Regards,



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