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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

FRIENDSHIP: Worried My Friend Relapsed
Letter #: 403537
Category: Friendship

Original Letter

I have a friend... short, cute,thoughtful, smart, previous self-harmer, kind, really bad social anxiety, among other things that could be used to describe her. it took her a while to warm up to me and vise-versa the year I first met her was sixth grade and back then I was a kid that took their issues out on others, a bully of some sort I guess... nevertheless she stuck with me and now she's getting really distant and doesn't talk to me as much as she did before and I'm worried that she might've relapsed or that something happened she looks sadder I've asked her what was wrong multiple times but she brushed me off every single time saying 'nothing,' or 'I'm fine, don't worry.' but she doesn't seeM fine, and I aM worried... I really don't know what to do she has told me that I've helped her a lot in the past (obviously not in sixth grade though) but I'm scared that I won't be able to do that this time, or that she'll do something she might regret later on

Elder Response

My first concern is for your friend's safety. You said she is a "previous self-harmer," and that you are worried about her. Your letter doesn't state your age or your friend's age, but I'm assuming you are either in middle school or high school. If you are concerned for your friend's physical safety or mental state, please tell an adult. Parents and teachers are there to help in situations like that.

If you are just worried about her general happiness, and not her safety, the only thing you can really do is to continue to offer your friendship. She may allow you to help, or she may build walls around herself and not let you in. Don't take offense if she doesn't allow you to break down the walls. She is the only one who can do that. In the meantime, build your own little "buffer" to make sure you don't blame yourself if she drifts away or does some harm to herself. All you can do is offer friendship--she's the one who has to accept it. Just make sure that you have talked to adults who care if you are worried for her safety.

Kudos, Kinder, for getting over the bullying stage of your life. It takes a good person to admit you are wrong and make things right. Now that you've realized the harm that bullying does, please don't slip back into that bad habit. Remember that we are all struggling with our own issues. Life is much more pleasant for everyone if we all work together for the common good instead of trying to make each other miserable along the way. I admire your ability to change and be a better person.

Good luck with your friend. Thanks for writing. I hope you will write to Elder Wisdom Circle again if you have any other questions or problem.

Best Regards,



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