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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Should we stay friends after breakup?
Letter #: 404961
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Me answer my boyfriend recently broke up. He cheated on me with this other girl and he told me right after he did because he didn't want to hurt me anymore. We decided to stay friends and it's been fine but i think i still have feelings for him and we talk everyday. i know he's already moved on but i don't know what to do...should i continue to be friends with him..i wasn't really hurt when he broke up with me i kind of saw it coming. and we were friends for a year before we started dating and we dated for 6 months. my friends tell me to cut him out of my life completely but i don't know if i can do that we have history and he's still nice to me and we just have friendly conversations...i don't know what to do...should i still be friends with him or fade out of his life

Elder Response

You've asked a tough question, Anna.  I can't answer that for you - only you can do that, but let's go through some of the facts and see if you can clarify them and find a viable solution.

It's HARD to let go of anyone completely - unless they turn out to be horrible and hurtful people, and this obviously is not that case.  So, it's going to depend on what you can handle.  Ideally, sure, it would be great if you can still be friends.  Good friends are hard to find and I'm not a fan of cutting people off unless...it's detrimental to your mental or physical health.

The problem lies in your expectations.  If you still think somehow things may change and ultimately work out with him, then you may be holding on to a fantasy or dream that will only keep you back.  If it prevents you from meeting other guys because that glimmer of hope is still there - then I would think about trying to move away from him.  If you CAN handle knowing he belongs to someone else,  will likely NOT be back with you...and you too are moving forward, then remain friends.

In other words, this requires serious honesty on your part.  I don't know how full the rest of your life is, but often moving away from someone means replacing it with activities and interests...that often leads to meeting others.  There is a void but I don't know how severe that is for you.  Again. BE HONEST with yourself about how you feel, and what you expect.  If you are have the right attitude and are filling your life up in other ways...then keep his friendship.  If, being honest, you are clinging to something that likely won't happen...then try to stay away from him.  You'll figure it out and do the right thing.  And, good luck!

Best Regards,

Good-Listener


    

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