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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Pregnant with My Ex's Baby
Letter #: 405072
Category: Other

Original Letter

Hi I been dating a guy for 5 years we both know each other's family things were great until we started arguing he hated his job wanted another then found abouts was doing two at a time he eventually left only to find out another women got him a new job he likes the job but now feels he owes her we have argued about this women allot he promised me he will stop all contact and do the right thing I didn't believe him but trusted him even thoe I knew he cheated I tried to forgive move on as I'm never a jealous type anyway I found out they were still talking shebhadbthe guys to come to his home where I normally stay atleast 4 days a week and have a key too and still have now they had a row he admitted she knew about me to begin with she said he said we broke up . 

Now she won't get lost I now realise I'm pregnant he went silent and shocked ignored me for three weeks I forced a conversation with him told me to not stress take a nap will discuss in the am we did he said the timeline not Ryt asking what I want to do he didn't say much I was heart broken cried several days he started fading in checking up on me then a few one off txt then after a while I started ignoring him for my health sake the I ran into the same girl in the shop getting food in his area then went bk to his shortly he showed up outside and a week after asked if I'm ok if I want to talk his here to call him I haven't since 5months now and he won't. 

All me either I'm due in October and really confused with his behaviour to me I'm shocked because I would have never imagined he will treat me this way now we don't talk at all I told myself not to call or text him ever and I haven't now I'm confused. I'm not envious of the girl honestly I don't think his serious with her well don't know she's not on my level at all I'm glamorous and beautiful and very confident and she the total opposite of me and I'm very worried something wrong with him as she really looks horrible for him to consider dating but I hate him for abandoning me and his child I don't know what to do . Please help

Elder Response

I can certainly understand that after being in a five year relationship, you would be hurt and disappointed because of his behavior, especially since you’re pregnant. 

Unfortunately, Sara, you cannot control another person’s behavior but you can control your reaction to his behavior. What you must realize is that if he isn’t showing you that he’s willing to participate in this relationship and be a responsible father, then the total responsibility is yours! 

This child didn’t ask to come into this world and you must provide the love and security he/she will need unless you’re willing to give the child up for adoption.  You just have to make up your mind to do what’s best for the child.  If you have family that will help you, then you have the option to move on in your life and raise this child on your own. 

Stop thinking about this other girl, Sara.  She has not and cannot force your partner to do anything he doesn’t want to do.  Whatever he did, or may do, he was a willing participant and will be a willing participant in the future.  If something is wrong with him, he’s the only person who can change his situation.  Right now, you must concentrate on your well being so as not to harm the child and decide what you want to do with your future and with the child’s future. 

I hope you can do this and that everything works out well for you.    

Best Regards,

Helen


    

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