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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: I want to confess a kiss
Letter #: 409784
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

Dear Elder,  I am in the 8th grade and I have this problem that has left me with a HUGE regret;  I'm not allowed to date, hug, hold hands, kiss, etc. I'm barely allowed to hang out with guys! I really liked this guy that was in my grade last year and he moved away, but I still feel guilty. I had told him that I liked him and he said that he liked me too, so we secretly dated for a few days at the last week or two at school. We were texting and we were talking about the school field trip for the end of the year, a water park trip. I said maybe we could go in the hot tub, get close, and maybe have a small kiss. His response a day later was "why does it have to be small?" I said, "I don't know," but here's the thing. A couple days before the field trip we went into a greenhouse at the back of the school and we both set our back packs down on a table. He came up to me and French kissed me hard mode VERY passionately (tongue and all). Then a couple minutes later I made up an excuse saying that we might get caught and I should go before they notice. Then he said "okay, wait." He grabbed my legs, sat me back down, and kissed me for another 2 minutes! I TOTALLY regret this. Then we went to class and at first period I broke up with him on text. Then he moved away. How do I forget and not feel guilty every time I go to school? Also, I've been trying to tell my mom and dad for months but I will get in sooooooooo much trouble they will never let me do anything again (not being dramatic - trust me). How in the world do I tell them?

Elder Response

Growing up is so hard to do! You want to confess these kisses to your parents. You have been wanting to confess these kisses to your parents for months. You regret kissing this boy. He has now moved away. Done and done! 

When you're young, Annie, honesty implies telling all. When you're young, things are either right or wrong; it isn't until you mature that you realize there are gray areas and times when you ought to learn the lesson but not tell all you know. As you get older the world seems more complicated. 

So I'd ask, what purpose does telling your parents about these kisses serve??? You have already, I surmise, learned the lesson. You know you can be tricked into 'giving favors' by a sweet-talking boy. So next time a boy gives you the glance and some compliments you won't be so quick to give in to his desires. You have learned that some boys, especially hormonally-driven, younger boys can be conniving and manipulative. You have put up your guard!

You have also learned how easy it is for a boy to fool you into thinking he likes you when all he wants to do, really, is USE you. Remember the lesson! I'd point out that this boy crossed the line and revealed his true motives when he physically assaulted you to get you to stay and kiss him. Disrespectful! 

If I were you, I wouldn't tell anyone. It serves no good purpose. It would cause your parents to lose trust in you. If you tell, your parents will always wonder whether you, in some way, encouraged or led on the boy. You know exactly what you did and did not do and what not to do again. 

I wouldn't tell anyone. Unless some day, down the road, telling would serve to help educate a friend who was considering doing the same foolish thing. Even then, I hesitate. Do not give all the details. Just tell enough, if telling is warranted, to help a friend avoid making the same mistake. 

So, don't tell unless it will be helpful and even then don't tell all the details. Some secrets are meant to be kept forever. (It will get easier to keep over time.) Remember the old adage 'don't kiss and tell'! 

Those regrets you feel about getting into this situation ought to be used as a caution to be more careful in the future. Telling probably would not decrease the regrets and probably would serve no good purpose. It would just worry your parents. They have enough to worry about!

Annie, as you get older, you will get into more and more situations where your dear parents can't guard you. This is part of growing up; you have to learn to be responsible for yourself. Use this experience as a lesson and a reminder to be cautious rather than impulsive. 

Hope your holiday weekend is a good one! Feel free to write again anytime! 


Best Regards,



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