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Recent Letter to the ElderWisdomCircle™

DATING/RELATIONSHIP: Crazy long distance drama
Letter #: 409842
Category: Dating/Relationship

Original Letter

I'm a sophomore in high school in Chicago. Over the summer I went on a family vacation with my mom's college friend's family who live in Kansas. They have a boy who's a junior. I thought he was really nice, but  didn't think he was interested, so I didn't flirt or anything. Then on the second to last night he requested my Instagram account and direct messaged me. Ever since then we have talked every night for hours. We talk about literally everything and some how we never run out of conversation. My family went to Kansas last weekend to visit family and we stopped in his town to visit. We had soooo much fun that night, and ever since then he's been dropping hints that he thinks I'm cute and funny but hasn't actually admitted that he likes me. I don't even know if it would make sense to become anything more than friends because we live so far away and we never see each other. He makes me laugh harder than I ever have and I'm constantly thinking of him and everything I see reminds me of him and every time he texts or calls I get super nervous and no city kid is as nice and genuine as he is. Around here you would never find a guy that would voluntarily talk to you for extended periods of time and give up numerous hours of sleep when he's not even gonna see you for another year. Should I lead him on and try to get him to directly tell me he likes me and me tell him I like him, or should I just leave it? I know I'm extremely young and don't know what I'm talking about, but I think I love him and I would seriously not mind spending the rest of my life with this guy.

Elder Response

This is a very difficult situation, Cindy. I know you have strong feelings for him. However, the distance factor is insurmountable. 

In reality, keeping up this relationship is absorbing all of your social life.  This is harsh advice, and I know it will be painful. First of all, as you probably know, you can't really know someone thru texts, emails, etc. That is because each person can craft their responses. No body language, eye contact, face-to-face conversation. Of course you have had that when you physically saw him.  That personal contact isn't going to happen again anytime soon. 

In other words, there is no possibility (as far as I can see) for a future for you both. 

I don't know if it would be less painful, in the long run, to break things off now or try to just cut back to occasional conversations. That'll have to be your decision.

So, both for your sake and his, your relationship needs to either end or be drastically reduced to just a friendship basis with only occasional contact.  Both of you need to socialize with the people around you.

The right guy may not be around right now, but there is plenty of time for that. Of course, I know that this sounds like an impossibility to you now. A lot can happen in these next few years in high school, though. Try to keep an open mind, and cultivate new friends, as well as keeping up with current ones.

You have an exciting path into the future. I wish you the best. 

Best Regards,



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